So what reptile would win in a fight. A hypothetical list of battles.

Let’s talk about brutal reptile fights. I’m a pretty civil guy and do not condone fist fighting in the real world unless it is sport. But boy, do I suddenly crush my values when it comes to fighting involving just about anything else. Whether it be hypothetical match-ups of a Green Beret vs Spetsnaz, ninjas vs vikings, the terminator vs a T-Rex (I just want to see it okay! Try to carefully picture how that unusual match-up would go down and I can promise that it will soon become a lot more interesting.), and of course reptiles of different species.

Match 1: Iguana vs Thorny Devil

We have the common house pet vs a much more unusual opponent which most people probably wouldn’t want to own because how would you even hold it? Green Iguanas typically are anywhere from 4 to 5 1/2 feet long, while horned devils are about… 8 inches. Yeah, so not a fair match up, but size isn’t everything.

Thorny devils are covered in thick spikes easily protecting it, but a large enough Iguana probably could whack it a few times with its tail to kill it if it is willing to take a few stab wounds. I hope at this point you understand this is largely a joke website where people can just come to shoot the shit about reptiles. Thorny devils also have an ability to absorb water through their spikes, so couldn’t they do the same with blood if they were to latch onto an Iguana? But yeah, that is just another stupid theory.

Match 2: Komodo Dragon vs American Alligator

Even the largest lizards, Komodo Dragons, which weigh up to 200 pounds are still less than half the size of an average American Alligator-500 pounds. Komodo dragons are however slightly faster with running speeds of 12 mph vs an Alligator’s 11 mph. This speed advantage might give it just enough time to get behind it, crawl on top, and sink its venomous mouth into it. Alligators have easily thicker hides than Komodos though and its debatable how much difficulty a Komodo would have with penetrating its toxins.

Not to mention their venom isn’t quite as potent compared to other lizards and if anything would take several hours to effect the much larger reptile with an increased amount of body space to handle the venom. At any rate we all know one bite from the Alligator and its over. However, it should be worth noting that female American Alligators only reach sizes of also about 200 pounds, which greatly levels the playing field for our typically much smaller reptile friend. But yeah, my money is still on the female.

Match 3: Black Mamba vs Alligator Snapping Turtle

So while these fights are becoming increasingly bizarre, which makes this all the more one of those random sites you come to when you have nothing better to do, I do think it is safe to say that nobody, not even animal experts, really have much accurate input to give about how these fights would go down. And that doesn’t just go for reptiles. Wild animals of any sort are very instinctive creatures and usually wouldn’t have any reason to fight a different species, besides hunting which tends to be a more one-sided type of duel.

Its hard to say if an animal species that is largely outmatched by another would think to fight with any type of clever strategy, or if their instincts would just tell them to attack head-on or much more likely of course run away. So when it comes to the case of a Black Mamba vs an Alligator Snapping Turtle it probably isn’t much different. Black Mambas only weigh a few pounds and their opponent weighs up to 175 with plenty of shell armor to help protect from the extremely venomous snake.

But their are still enough chinks such as its neck and legs—let’s not forget the NECK!—the only thing the snake really needs to target. But as the name well implies, one snap from the turtle and the snake will be chopped in half—but snakes can still regrow their tails—but the turtle can still bite its head off—but then wouldn’t it maybe swallow some venom squirting out in the process so.. Yeah, if you think about it long enough you will realize there are a lot of outlandish things that can happen in such an outlandish match-up making this fight, and animal fight debates in general nearly pointless but still fun.